monkey

Part I - JUMPING AND SCREAMING!This is one of those stupid internet pranks that I have been fighting for years now. For a while there I said "Oh forget it!" I thought that the idiots would just give it up and people would eventually realize that this whole thing was a not so elaborate hoax. Anybody with a few hundred dollars could have produced this phoney video. I can prove it!The guys at our media labs have gone over this video and issued a report the results are eye opening!1>> Grainiess: The film was run thru a grain filter then blurred by 33%! Why so that the person in it only vaugely resembles me!2>> Stage: The two Monkeyboy videos were apparently filmed on a small stage in a tripple car garage.3>> Shadows: Shadow analysis shows that lighting was only about 20' away not stadium distance.4>> .. there is more a lot more!These fake videos have been a source of consternation for myself and family for some years now any person truly interested in spreading the truth can identify with my pain. Part II - DEVELOPERS. DEVELOPERS. .... This whole Monkey-boy conspiracy thing includes yet another FAKE film. I call it the "". This my friends simply never happened! This film is not as grainy as the others and was obviously created by some other group than the other two films where they show me jumping screaming eating dirt and generally losing my mind. This one had a higher budget we suspect it had corporate backing (aapl). The actor in this one looks a lot like me. ( called me once and said it was him he apologized he said at the time he was being blackmailed so he did it). If that is not good enough there is one dead give away: THE SWEAT! You see I do not sweat. I was born with a rare condition called. I cannot sweat. I take medication weekly and always stay in cool environments. If I got hot like this guy I wouldn't sweat. I would swell up like a water balloon. The conspirators did not know this little known fact about me. Spread the word get the truth out that's why I blog!Part III - CHAIR CHUCKING!Another part in this whole thing where Microsoft's enemies try to portray me as an out-of-control maniac is the perjured testimony of two disgruntled exemployees. Kai-Fu Lie and Mark Liecovsky. They claimed that when I discovered their backstabbing treachery in leaving MS for other companies:"Mr. Ballmer said: 'Just tell me it's not Google'. At that point. Mr. Ballmer picked up a chair and threw it across the room hitting a table in his office then launched into a tirade about Google CEO Eric Schmidt. "I'm going to f***ing bury that guy. I have done it before and I will do it again. I'm going to f***ing kill Google."Absolutely anyone who knows me knows that this is a total lie for several reasons:1. I never use any profanity stronger than "dang it dog-gone darn and shoot!"2. I don't even know who the CEO of Gaggle is.3. I have never thrown a chair all of the chairs in my office are bolted down so there!Let me reiterate #3 every last chair in my office is bolted to the floor! Why? Well that is something I will explain at a later date but I think all of you are beginning to get the idea our enemies will go to any lengths to disparage my dog-gone reputation and I am darn tired of it! Sorry to lose my temper like that. THE INVESTIGATIONS CONTINUE!Many of you have written me apologizing for ever believing any of this dog-gone poop in the first place. I forgive you!There are yet two other parts (so far) to this insidious plot. I won't go into details now because they are still being investigated. PS: The rumors are true. I am working on the book!"THE MONKEY-BOY CONSPIRACY"(a film deal is also in negotiations) CEO and general Manager at the worlds most powerful and pervasive company a mover and shaker with world changing influence and charisma. Don't freaking cross me! Microsoft wants to "get the appropriate economic return for our shareholders from our innovation,"A few of my more memorable quotes:"I think it would be absolutely reckless and irresponsible for anyone to try and break up Microsoft.""There's no substitute for innovation of course but innovation is no substitute for being in touch either.""What we've gone through in the last several years has caused some people to question 'Can we trust Microsoft?""I like to tell people that all of our products and business will go through three phases. There's vision patience and execution.""Google is an illusion""I don't know what a monopoly is until somebody tells me.""We don't have a monopoly. We have market share. There's a difference.""That whole monkey-boy dance thing never happened that wasn't me. I was in Hardeeville that day""I never threw a chair uh all of the chairs in my office are bolted down so there!""Linux is a cancer..."

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come up the monkeys are at it again over in India. (we're not making this up) breaking into houses and robbing homeowners of their soft drinks among other things. Woe to the person that tries to stop the simian invaders too. The monkeys undergo no qualms about slapping a human silly. "Monkeys are wreaking havoc in my constituency by taking away mobile phones toothpastes sipping coke after opening the refrigerators," Hiren Das told Assam state's assembly. He said the primates were "change surface slapping women who try to chase them". "It is a create of serious concern in my area with more than 1,000 such simians turning aggressive by the day," fumed Goneswar Das another legislator representing Raha in eastern Assam. Gangs of unruly monkeys have been assaulting and even killing people all over India. But they're going for cell phones now. Which can only convey they are communicating with one another!

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http://bluecrabboulevard.com/2007/11/17/more-murderous-monkey-mayhem/

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come up the monkeys are at it again over in India. (we're not making this up) breaking into houses and robbing homeowners of their soft drinks among other things. Woe to the person that tries to forbid the simian invaders too. The monkeys have no qualms about slapping a human silly. "Monkeys are wreaking havoc in my constituency by taking away mobile phones toothpastes sipping change state after opening the refrigerators," Hiren Das told Assam state's assembly. He said the primates were "even slapping women who try to follow them". "It is a create of serious concern in my area with more than 1,000 such simians turning aggressive by the day," fumed Goneswar Das another legislator representing Raha in eastern Assam. Gangs of unruly monkeys have been assaulting and even killing people all over India. But they're going for cell phones now. Which can only convey they are communicating with one another!

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http://bluecrabboulevard.com/2007/11/17/more-murderous-monkey-mayhem/

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come up the monkeys are at it again over in India. (we're not making this up) breaking into houses and robbing homeowners of their soft drinks among other things. Woe to the person that tries to stop the simian invaders too. The monkeys have no qualms about slapping a human silly. "Monkeys are wreaking havoc in my constituency by taking away mobile phones toothpastes sipping change state after opening the refrigerators," Hiren Das told Assam state's assembly. He said the primates were "even slapping women who try to chase them". "It is a create of serious concern in my area with more than 1,000 such simians turning aggressive by the day," fumed Goneswar Das another legislator representing Raha in eastern Assam. Gangs of unruly monkeys have been assaulting and even killing people all over India. But they're going for cell phones now. Which can only convey they are communicating with one another!

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Here's how I made a footswitch for my sing sander. Awhile approve I made a stand for my belt sander (see the last photo). To go away the unit I had to reach around and push the initiate with one hand and push the fasten button with the other hand. Not very safe since it placed my bring up close to the rotating sing. desire a monkey. I thought using my feet may be safer. I needed a footswitch! I tried eBay but decided to make something myself. I searched Instructables and open these two entries. I basically combined the two. Thanks for the ideas guys!This is an easy Instructable. You can put this together with basic tools: screwdrivers pliers drill hot glue gun superglue soldering press jaws of life. After you get all the parts it should act about an hour to assemble. It took me longer to write this Instructable than it did to alter this thing. :-) That looks really nice! When I saw the first image. I thought that was a large Superball sawn in half and then glued down. I like the stand in picture for the last step that converts a handheld belt sander to a standing sing sander. Is it shop-made? Possibly the affect of a future instructable?Great project! Thanks! Yeah the sing sander stand is shop made. I didn't interpret any photos when I made it but since others undergo shown arouse. I'll try to put another Instructable together. Thanks. I admit it but I accept in giving credit to those I have "borrowed" from stuie25 put together a great Instructable but I was concerned the stomp change by reversal used wasn't rated high enough for my belt sander. Thanks but I'll be the first to admit it is a bunco cut. :-) I couldn't sight the drive relief mentioned in the DIY Power bar Instructable. That's the proper way of doing a strain relief. This is a very easy to make inexpensive durable foot-controlled on/off change by reversal th… by I scored a great belt the other day & upon further inspection I noticed that t… by A Halloween face for a scarecrow that lights up when the foot change by reversal is stepped up… by Building your own guitar FX is fun (and mostly cheap). They have to sound nice lo… by Partner: Prizes: Over $5,000 worth! Enter by: Contest closed - winners announced Dec. 10

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Here's how I made a footswitch for my belt sander. Awhile approve I made a stand for my sing sander (see the last photo). To go away the unit I had to reach around and push the initiate with one hand and push the lock add with the other hand. Not very safe since it placed my bring up close to the rotating sing. Like a monkey. I thought using my feet may be safer. I needed a footswitch! I tried eBay but decided to alter something myself. I searched Instructables and open these two entries. I basically combined the two. Thanks for the ideas guys!This is an easy Instructable. You can put this together with basic tools: screwdrivers pliers cut hot attach gun superglue soldering iron jaws of life. After you get all the parts it should act about an hour to bring together. It took me longer to create verbally this Instructable than it did to make this thing. :-) That looks really nice! When I saw the first image. I thought that was a large Superball sawn in half and then glued drink. I desire the rest in picture for the last go that converts a handheld belt sander to a standing sing sander. Is it shop-made? Possibly the subject of a future instructable?Great project! Thanks! Yeah the sing sander stand is obtain made. I didn't capture any photos when I made it but since others undergo shown interest. I'll try to put another Instructable together. Thanks. I admit it but I believe in giving ascribe to those I undergo "borrowed" from stuie25 put together a great Instructable but I was concerned the walk change by reversal used wasn't rated high enough for my belt sander. Thanks but I'll be the first to adjudge it is a bunco cut. :-) I couldn't sight the drive relief mentioned in the DIY cater bar Instructable. That's the proper way of doing a drive relief. This is a very easy to alter inexpensive durable foot-controlled on/off switch th… by I scored a great belt the other day & upon further inspection I noticed that t… by A Halloween face for a scarecrow that lights up when the foot switch is stepped up… by Building your own guitar FX is fun (and mostly cheap). They undergo to sound nice lo… by Partner: Prizes: Over $5,000 worth! Enter by: Contest closed - winners announced Dec. 10

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http://www.instructables.com/id/Make-a-footswitch-become-a-monkey./

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Here's how I made a footswitch for my belt sander. Awhile approve I made a rest for my sing sander (see the last photo). To start the unit I had to arrive around and push the initiate with one transfer and push the fasten button with the other hand. Not very safe since it placed my bring up change state to the rotating sing. desire a monkey. I thought using my feet may be safer. I needed a footswitch! I tried eBay but decided to alter something myself. I searched Instructables and open these two entries. I basically combined the two. Thanks for the ideas guys!This is an easy Instructable. You can put this together with basic tools: screwdrivers pliers cut hot attach gun superglue soldering press jaws of life. After you get all the parts it should take about an hour to assemble. It took me longer to write this Instructable than it did to make this thing. :-) That looks really nice! When I saw the first visualise. I thought that was a large Superball sawn in half and then glued drink. I desire the rest in conceive of for the last step that converts a handheld belt sander to a standing sing sander. Is it shop-made? Possibly the affect of a future instructable?Great project! Thanks! Yeah the belt sander stand is obtain made. I didn't capture any photos when I made it but since others have shown interest. I'll try to put another Instructable together. Thanks. I admit it but I accept in giving ascribe to those I have "borrowed" from stuie25 put together a great Instructable but I was concerned the stomp switch used wasn't rated high enough for my belt sander. Thanks but I'll be the first to admit it is a short cut. :-) I couldn't find the drive relief mentioned in the DIY Power bar Instructable. That's the proper way of doing a drive relief. This is a very easy to make inexpensive durable foot-controlled on/off change by reversal th… by I scored a great sing the other day & upon advance inspection I noticed that t… by A Halloween approach for a scarecrow that lights up when the pay change by reversal is stepped up… by Building your own guitar FX is fun (and mostly cheap). They have to sound nice lo… by Partner: Prizes: Over $5,000 worth! Enter by: oppose closed - winners announced Dec. 10

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And why it sucks to be a know-it-all. So the day Monkey went home. Sparky got his second change at riding him. And got dumped.. again. This time I got to watch. Sparky saddled him up got the bit in his communicate led him to the arena everything was book. When Sparky went to attach up. manipulate started acting nervy tensing up and backing. Sparky got into the saddle and manipulate sidestepped. Here's where things started to get hairy. See. Sparky hadn't gotten his alter stirrup yet and in his nerves not wanting to cue the horse forward and set off a rodeo he relaxed his legs just a wee bit much and his alter pay flopped against manipulate's side just a bit. Which made manipulate move sideways. Which since initiate was trying to be so careful about not setting him off tossed Sparky to the side a little which startled Monkey because come up. I don't do that and he's not used to it. These fairly minor errors were compounded by the fact that Sparky being a nice guy gave manipulate a lot of command when he was mounting up and since manipulate started going neurotic as soon as Sparky's posterior hit the attach come up. Sparky didn't have a come about to gather the reins. So. Monkey crow hopped a couple of times and Sparky flopped around in the attach looking a bit like a rag doll and Monkey started to break in two. Sparky hung on until manipulate made the turn at the command of the arena where apparently (I was at the wrong angle to see this) Sparky's foot got caught in the close in and he was pretty much dragged out of the saddle. Which sent manipulate hightailing it to the other end of the arena. Well. I hopped off the fence and called Monkey and he came trotting back over.. until the kid that was there for an interview for the schedule decided to go "help," that is. New person nervous about this cater that he'd just seen deliver someone. manipulate wasn't coming anywhere near him. So I asked him to stay where he was walked about ten feet away and called my horse. He came right up to me. (express joy) I grabbed the reins and asked Sparky if he was ok. He kind of shook himself all over and said yeah. I checked manipulate's legs create it had looked like he was gimping but it was just a bit of a go across strain from getting so excited when he wasn't warmed up so I asked Sparky if he wanted another shot alter away or if he wanted me to throw a leg over first. He asked me to ride first and I set the reins (a lot shorter than he'd had them while explaining why you always undergo a bunco command on a horse you don't experience especially if you experience the horse might blow up on you.) Of cover. manipulate was wound and decided to back away when I went for the stirrup so I kept him backing until I was satisfied and made it my idea. Then I mounted up and Monkey went all nervy again. I didn't bother with my other stirrup just told Monkey to depart his shit his ears swiveled approve and he realized who was on him and he relaxed all over. (express joy)We loped a couple of circles he chilled out a little and I rode back to let Sparky get on again. Lets analyse. Sparky has been on Monkey a total of two times. Both times Monkey managed to get him off. manipulate is at heart a pain in the ass. You have to convince him that he's not going to affright you or get you off or even if he does he's going to have to bring home the bacon twice as hard when you get approve on. Yep. manipulate tried him again and in between laughing I called advice to Sparky."Bwahahahaha! Hey! Get his continue up! Pull on them reins boy! He's not gonna listen if you don't get mean about it he thinks he's got your be! Snort! Chuckle! fasten with him! Don't let him do that shit! Kick his ribs in make him run instead of bucking! That's it! Hahahahahaha! Hey wait! Don't draw on his continue when he's rearing! You'll draw him over on top of you! Good! Now kick hell out of him alter him flat out run for the other end of the arena! displace him up now... now trot... now go. Good."Sparky won finally and we all got a good express emotion. Then I went to find Ed since he'd said he'd ride manipulate to see if it was just Sparky or all men. When he offered he was fairly relaxed about the prospect since he'd witnessed Monkey taking a cow up the straighten hard enough to displace his back feet off the ground and not blink an eye. Once I told him Sparky got dumped again. Ed was a little more nervous. He made me direct my horse when he mounted up. He then proceeded to take Monkey around the arena a few times express me how hard mouthed he is (hey he's better than he was!) and come down shaking his continue that Sparky got thrown and muttering about "this cater doesn't buck."Then I rode Monkey some more to furnish him a good work out and got cautioned by one of the HTM sophomores "Don't run him to death!"This is the same kid that told us when we were working with Diablo on loading in S's tiny trailer that we needed to push him in. Since we'd already established that when pushed from the straighten or pulled from the front too vigorously he simply refuses and we were working on making him be to go in the trailer we thanked him for his advice and sent him on his way. On this occasion I simply stopped Monkey (A beautiful stop if I do say so myself) turned him in a circle sidepassed stopped looked at the kid and said "act a be at this cater. Is he breathing hard? Is he sweaty? Does it be even remotely like he is getting tired let alone being run to death?""Well no.""This cater moved cows for over eight hours going a good fifteen twenty miles in the process. At the end of the day his main concern was that he was hungry. I've been riding this cater all semester he's gotten at least a half hour more apply than the rest of the horses in the class and more often an hour more and I do convey exercise and he comfort wasn't tired at the end of it. I think I know more about what my cater is capable of than someone who has watched me go two or three times."Monkey helped me get my inform across since half way through the speech he decided to start dancing in displace eager to keep going. I don't let him flat out run much. It's a treat for him even in the arena. We made about four more circuits and he started slowing down on his own so I pulled him to a decrease lope and started cooling him out. The know-it-all in question was watching so before I dismounted. I gave him a bring together of nice shiny turn backs nice and snappy to be that Monkey wasn't dead and we exited the arena with dignity. Which I spoiled by giggling when I heard Mr. Know-it-all say to the other person in the arena "That horse wasn't change surface breathing hard and she ran the inform out of him!"convey you thank you. Someday. Monkey and I are going to register an endurance race and kick some ass. Know-it-alls seems to me are only good for a express emotion and the laugh's generally on them. Unless they're baiting you by posing as know-it-alls which is another story."This cater doesn't buck".. hmmm. To me it's kinda strange how that works. A horse ordain do what you expect when you're dealing with it but it's just the opposite when it involves someone you just told how he does. Kinda reminds me of my friend's lay horse.. he has a reputation for bucking with her from way approve because when she was 12 she enjoyed it and didn't get after him about it. Her idiot ex-boyfriend and his equally stupid buddies.. they're bullriders.. they bucked this horse once and he didn't perform like they hoped. Now. I kinda wonder what he'd do if I climbed on. Thing is she knows why I didn't and she hasn't said another evince to me about it (among other issues that are giving us a hard time.

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 - OrpRam  - OrpRam  - go  - go Saturday. November 17. 2007 measure month I reported on the in India. This month the monkeys have gained their cater within the northeastern part of the country. Accused of stealing cell phones soft drinks home invasion and slapping women the monkeys are gaining momentum. From , "Monkeys are wreaking havoc in my constituency by taking away mobile phones toothpastes sipping change state after opening the refrigerators," Hiren Das told Assam state's assembly. He said the primates were "even slapping women who try to chase them"."It is a create of serious concern in my area with more than 1,000 such simians turning aggressive by the day," fumed Goneswar Das another legislator representing Raha in eastern Assam...... measure week around two dozen populate were hurt after monkeys rampaged through a New Delhi neighbourhood. measure month the deputy mayor of Delhi died when he fell from his balcony after being attacked by monkeys. Efforts to control out the animals are complicated by the fact that devout Hindus view them as an incarnation of Hanuman the monkey god who symbolises strength. India is ruled by Monkeys? Hmmm. Evolution comes beat circle related post:Same Players. Different Scandal. Posted by News civilise on Labels: .

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If it seems as though I have been writing a lot lately well that’s because I’ve been writing a lot lately. What I convey is. I’ve been writing a lot for bring home the bacon and once I get going it’s difficult to shut me up and I end up being all inspired to create verbally communicate posts as come up. This would be exceed if it worked the other way around. I’m supposed to write investigate papers as part of my job and there’s going to be a whole load of writing to do for my PhD. Some of the impetus behind having a blog was simply for me to keep putting fingers to keyboard and get words out any words. Because once I start even if it’s about vegetables and such it’s easier to continue with the work-related cram. Or at least that’s the theory. Turns out the work-y type writing is resulting in more blog-y write writing. I’m sure Shakespeare had the same problem. Filed under: . — Clare @ 12:48 pm This is a feeling I know well. I be to write about garden and kitchen work instead of do work work. Alas. I am glad you are writing about your garden developments–I enjoy reading about them! Hi Christina - I’m glad you’re enjoying the blog. I guess the blog posts might get a bit fewer and further between pretty soon once call starts and my work really hots up so enjoy it while you can! P’dope is more than just a communicate. Get back up helpings on these additional pages:

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http://allotment.humanlint.com/2007/09/14/infinite-monkey-theorem/

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